Words & Reason

What is your contribution?

2011-06-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

Often people discuss their problems with me, or I overhear people discussing their issues in detail in public places. Sometimes they are related to work, to relationships (usually), family issues, or anything thing else. I listen, usually whole heartedly, but without fail my mind immediately says 'What is your contribution to this issue'?

I've found that people are quick to give a long list of reasons why the situation is what it is without giving a thought as to how, why, or what got them in it. There is plenty of blame on anyone involved or the policies that dictate the outcome;but never on self.

It is hard to self analyze for many people. It would mean having to acknowledge that "I did...I should have...I didn't..." and many cannot do this. It it important to realize your contribution to a problem in order to solve it or prevent a recurrence (the latter being most important). Once you can pinpoint your involvement in any situation you will immediately feel better about it and begin to remedy it.

A diagnosis is the only the only way to a cure.

BEING BLACK

2011-02-08T19:08:00.000-08:00

Does being BLACK mean being LOUD?

Does being BLACK mean being RUDE?

Does being BLACK mean using FOWL LANGUAGE WITHOUT REGARD?

Does being BLACK mean being OVERSEXED?

Does being BLACK mean NOT CARING FOR ANYONE BUT SELF?

Does being BLACK mean having NO SELF RESPECT?

Does being BLACK mean EMASCULATING YOUR MAN?

Does being BLACK mean being MISOGYNISTIC?

Does being BLACK mean doing POORLY IN SCHOOL?

Does being BLACK mean HAVING NO GOALS?

Does being BLACK mean being WITHOUT CULTURE?

Does being BLACK mean NOT WANTING MORE?

Does being BLACK mean NOT EXPECTING MORE?

Does being BLACK mean BEING OKAY WITH BEING A NIGGER OR A NIGGA?

Does being BLACK mean NOT GIVING YOUR CHILD THE BEST POSSIBLE CHANCE?

Does being BLACK mean YOU SMOKE WEED?

Does being BLACK mean BEING COMFORTABLE IN JAIL?

Does being BLACK mean that your concern is M.O.F (MONEY OVER FAMILY)?

Being BLACK to me means constantly being aware of the generations that came before me, the ones that arrived in chains to the ones who worked so hard to buy the only family home I knew (my grandparents). It means to constantly be aware of their neighbors who fought, struggled, died, and excelled with them. To me, being BLACK has more to do with the radiance from my skin than the color of it. It means ensuring my son knows the Yoruba culture and the tales of Anansi. Being BLACK has more to do with strength with my king than battle against him. It means finding the path and walking it; aware of all tribulations ahead but having the audacity to triumph over them.

I'm not ashamed of being BLACK. I just may be ashamed of being your black

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Change came; Time to Improve. Happy 2011!!

2010-12-31T14:46:00.000-08:00

Here it is the holiday where you begin to think about all things that have occurred for the past 364 days. On some things you smile, on some you grimace, on others you cower, on a few you'll cry tears of sadness or joy. All in all it is the time where most of you forget to be grateful for all that has and has not happened. You'll focus on resolutions and changes and what you won't do again. These amendments you keep for maybe 3o days and those with "real will power" keep for up to 60!

I will look at this year as the year of improve. Every year seems to be the "year of change", Obama's camp only coined the phrase. I don't really want to change who I am and there are not many changes I want made in my life that can take place this year. Nope. All I want to do is improve who I am and improve my life so that I can make some real changes when the time is right. Focusing on so much change can't make too many changes. Face it, if you just improved the changes will follow.

It is so hard to change habits, jobs, weight, and relationships that the January attempts usually seem too far fetched and too far gone in February, while becoming a distant memory in March. By April it's picked up again (you know, so you can achieve it for Summer), but really starts on May 1st. In June you're working hard on it, by July it's too hot and you just want to enjoy the summer. In September and October you're too busy getting back into "the swing of things", in November the holidays. In December...you'll do it for the NEW YEAR.

There is only 1 resolution I have made this holiday. LOVED ONES. I will make a much better effort to see those I love. I'm seriously tired of saying and hearing "life gets in the way". What is life without spending precious time with those I love and have a good time with? Those that live only a handful of miles away! To those I love, I promise we will see one another in 2011.

And that I can guarantee will improve my heart. Happy Improve Year to you all.

A BLACK MALE SCIENTIST Makes Huge Breakthrough in Prostate Cancer Reduction and Elimination

2010-12-12T20:23:00.000-08:00

JAMAICAN scientist Dr Henry Lowe last night threw a lifeline to men worldwide when he announced that he had developed a formula that can reduce and eliminate prostate cancer, the number one cause of cancer deaths among males.

"I am pleased to announce that we have reached the final stages in the development of the Alpha Prostate Formula, which will be on the market in the next three months under the Eden Gardens brand," Dr Lowe told guests at the launch of Bio-Tech R&D Institute at the Terra Nova Hotel in Kingston.

Lowe, executive chairman of Environmental Health Foundation which is based at his Eden Gardens complex in Kingston, explained that the formula will be locally produced, first as a nutraceutical.

"The drug takes time and millions of US dollars to develop, so that is why we're making it available in its semi-purified form," Dr Lowe told the Observer in an interview outside of the launch.

Dr Joseph Bryant from the University of Maryland Medical School and a shareholder in Bio-Tech R&D Institute, agreed. "We have to go by the rules and the regulations as to how fast we can get it out there, but the nutraceutical thing now allows us to get it out much faster," he told the Observer.

"We cannot overemphasise the point of what this means for the country, and I hope that the younger generation will carry it on," Dr Bryant added.

Lowe's cancer research work attracted world attention when he announced that he had found properties in the Jamaican ball moss that had the potential to fight cancer.

Yesterday, he said that the formula is derived from the main ingredient in the ball moss and has been shown to have major prostate anti-cancer activity.

Jamaica has one of the highest prostate cancer rates in the world with approximately 150 men diagnosed each year. Medical experts believe that a large percentage of affected men are undiagnosed.

Yesterday, Lowe, who won the Observer Business Leader Award for 2006, noted that in addition to Jamaica, numerous cases of prostate cancer have been reported among black Americans and Africans.

"The market for that is tremendous and there are only two other products as nutraceuticals for this," he said. "This is going in there, brand Jamaica, and if we get the right thrust and the right support we have hundreds of millions of US dollars which can come to Jamaica."

Yesterday, in his prepared remarks, Lowe said that as a first step in the development of the nutraceutical industry, Bio-Tech R&D Institute has already secured capital of $25 million, which will contribute to the overall development of the institute in the next 24 months. Further capitalisation of $25 million is expected within the next 48 months.

"As a result, the only thing that could impede success is our will to succeed," said Dr Lowe.

"We will be working toward seizing a five per cent share of the global nutraceutical industry within the next two years, which translates to a multi-billion-dollar local industry -- approximately $726 billion," he said.

The Bio-Tech R&D Institute brings together Jamaica's four leading research institutions -- the University of the West Indies, University of Technology, Northern Caribbean University and the Scientific Research Council -- all of which will receive 2.5 per cent of the total shares of the institute free of cost.

In addition to his other shareholders -- Federated Pharmaceutical/Lascelles Limited and the Environmental Health Foundation — Dr Lowe said he has forged a partnership with the largest nutraceutical company in China, which will distribute the formula in that Asian country.

"We expect that gaining even one per cent of the Chinese market will amount to tremendous US dollar value export earnings — perhaps the most rewarding endeavours and investments in our country in recent times," said Dr Lowe.

Why I can't accept Park 51

2010-11-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

To all those "peaceful" people who say "Let the mosque be": Imagine this.

You're house is set on fire by a mental patient who escaped. You're whole family died. The fire spread to some of your neighbors homes. Their families died. Roughly 50 people have died in total. You use your insurance money to rebuild your homes. You suffer through the heartache and try to move on. Your insurance company calls and says "Hey, we have some more funds to extend to rebuilding your block so we're going to build a large 9 floor mental institution across the street, four floors bigger than the one around the corner. It'll help the neighborhood understand that not all mental patients are violent."

~ A Stolen Notion

The best thing I'd ever heard from George Bush

2010-11-14T10:09:00.001-08:00

"This relationship is based on love. I have nothing but admiration for that man and he had never let me down."

~George W. Bush

to Matt Lauer regarding his father, former president George Bush, during his first post presidential interview

I wish to hear more sons repeat these words.

I'm speaking to their fathers.

Take 5 to...

2010-11-10T04:34:00.000-08:00

1. When you wake up sit up and stay seated on the bed. Let the blood flow through your body for a minute. Do a couple of neck and shoulder rolls, twist at your waist, pull your legs up to your chest a couple of times, and roll your feet at the ankle.

2. Play anything that your child(ren) or pet likes to play.

3. No matter what laugh with your child(ren), or listen to them laugh.

4. Get a picture of a place you'd like to visit. Cut it out of a magazine, pull it up on a website, or get a personal picture that you already have. It can be a beach, a foreign city, a spa, or simply the home a family member you haven't been able to get to. Look at it, think about getting there, be there.

5. Read about something new. Anything.

6. Clean up a room in your house. (It'll usually get the ball to roll into another room)

7. Stand in the shower and just let the water run over the top of your head or sit in the warm bath.

8. Apply some makeup (Ladies). Lotion up (Fellas)!

9. Take a walk.

10. Read a good blog ;)

You are beautiful; to a sister on the train.

2010-09-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

You are beautiful because you can walk

outside with minimal effort made to look beautiful.

No makeup. Wearing a do'rag, rollers, a 'fro, dreads, or cornrows.

All make you beautiful

In sweats, in a skirt, fitted denim, or leggings.

All make you beautiful.

Carrying a suitcase, a designer bag, a designer fake, a shopping bag.

All make you beautiful.

Hold your money in your hand, hold your honey in your heart.

Hold your dreams in your soul.

Hold your head up through it all.

All makes you. Beautiful.

A time for change?

2010-08-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

It is not fair to ask someone to change for your own purposes. What if you were you asked to change? "Why," you may ask, "I'm fine the way I am". Well they feel the same way. Have you considered that if they change the traits that you don't like, it may alter the traits you do like? We're all guilty of wanting someone in our lives to change. As we get older it should become clear that the solution is for us to accept the person they are or to to limit our association them. If that person is willing to change what you would like, be careful. Change can make them not like the changes and become resentful, or give them the opportunity to request changes in you that you are not willing to make. All of those create negative situations for you. Does the individual really change? Or are you setting yourself up for deception?

Not all change has negative effects. Though it is an individual choice. Someone can genuinely want to change to become a better person and in that case it is can improve a relationship. But don't forget;it can still cause other characteristics to be altered.

People are who they are. Change is unfair if they are happy with themselves. Maybe an esteem check is necessary on your part. Question why you choose to associate with people you are not happy being around. Then work on yourself. This applies to family, friends, spouses,and anyone else.

Do not expect me to be who you want me to be; Expect me to be who I am happy being and you should be happy being you.
.

Teen Mom

2010-07-27T19:55:00.001-07:00

Have you watched "Teen Mom"? It's an MTV spinoff of their successful series "16 and Pregnant". I really like this show. I thought 16 and Pregnant was going to be some fluffy show about some well to do white girls who get knocked up, live home, and "suffer" through living with their parents, not having to work , and getting a fabulous internship from dad while attending college. I also thought it may go the other way and be super ghetto about a bunch of 16 year old hood dwelling minorities who get pregnant, go on welfare, drop out of school, and live in the projects while working in fast food for the rest of their lives.

To my surprise, it turned out to show the real face(s) of pregnant teenagers. Amber is a high school student who attempts to try to make it work with her (now) live in boyfriend. They struggle with domestic disputes that become physical and with who will pay the bills. Maci is a young lady who thinks getting pregnant, engaged, and married within a year will make a happy ending. She quickly finds out that reality is not so happy when she's living at home when filing court papers for child support. One couple were smart and figured out early on that adoption was not the easy but best answer for their child. Tyler and Catlynn come from a rather dysfunctional home and realize that bringing a baby into it would not be fair to a child. They did maturely choose an open adoption to the disapproval of their parents.

There were many more of these stories within the the show and so many more that are never televised. 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom both explore the truth in teen motherhood. Truths that all teen girls need to see. Although they do not entertain you with some ghetto hootchies that don't know how to speak proper english, they do explore the reality of having a child while in high school. Simutaneously they put first "loves" on exhibit.

This is a show I'd have my daughter watch (and hope my little sister is studying), because I often see these girls on the street, hell I knew some of them when I was growing up and find them an interested group.

I always wonder how it happens and why they think they will be the ones to beat the odds. With all the reality that surrounds them, I wonder what makes them think that they can turn a 16, 17, or 18 year old boy into a family man. Something that a lot of 30 year old women haven't been able to accomplish! And last I wonder why they'd choose such a hard road? Don't they know there is so much in life that they should look forward to past being a baby mama?

When I got pregnant at 23 years old. I felt like a "baby having a baby". I knew that my days of partying, hoping on planes when I felt like it, and spending money how I felt were over. Little did I know that so much more came with it. There were times that I seriously thought 'I can not handle this' and I'd regroup and be the mother I am supposed to be. Now that my child is six years old, I know I could not have successfully handled the type of stress that comes with a baby and relationship all at sixteen years old.

I'm not saying it can't be done. It can, I've seen it. But the chances are slim. Why even put yourself through the misery when you have options? I don't place my opinions on anyone for the option they should choose but I also include birth control in that catagory. I honestly think that is the easiest option available.

At 16 years old, I knew it'd be easier to tell my mom I was on birth control than it would be to tell my parents I was pregnant. Think about which one you or your parents would prefer to hear... Then watch Teen Mom on MTV Mondays at 10 pm or 16 and Pregnant on Tuesdays at 10 pm.

Mothers & Sons &

2010-07-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

From the moment I decided to have my child, I prayed he would be a boy. I knew I couldn't handle a girl as I've never really been a "girly" girl. Hair grooming, periods, boys, (possible) tears over boys, and boys who may want to impregnate my Baby Girl were not what I was looking forward to. A closet full of jeans and khakis, t-shirts, sports, and swag is more my forte. My prayers were answered.

In the beginning I had no idea that I'd end up raising my son by myself. I did know I was capable of doing it, I didn't need to worry about that. Even when I began raising him by myself I didn't worry too much about going at it as a single parent.

That was until I realized I did not know how the male mind works. Yes, I know what is on mens minds but I have no idea about their thought processes, both scientifically or emotionally.

Any woman out there who says she does not need a man to raise her son is very wrong. Boys need a man to teach them how to be men. Considering the problems the black community is having, the lack of MEN is a symptom and a cause equally of many of them. There is an average of over 50% of single mother households in the black community, while the average is just over 20% for the white community. These differences can be linked to many causes however considering that fatherless men tend to create more fatherless boys; it is a vicious cycle.

Consider this: A young man is being raised by a single mother with barely any to no contact with his father. This same boy's friends do not have a male presence at home, nor do many family members. All during this time he hears women saying "I don't need a man", or "Men ain't s**t", or even better "his father ain't s**t". What do you think happens while this boy becomes a "man"? Yup. The things I want so badly to avoid with my son.

These boys have no idea of what men are and how they are supposed to perform as men. But if the chicken came before the egg; the women do not know what men are and how they are supposed to behave either. So they chose men that will continue the cycle with them.

The only way to stop this cycle is for us (heterosexual black women) to stop thinking sex has minimal consequences and realize that actually being "picky" can save you and your child from a lifetime of drama and/or misery. Lets stop glorifying misogyny and start celebrating family and pride. Lets stop telling our sons that "they ain't s**t", and start showing them that men who get respect are the ones who earn it.

What am I concerned about? I'm concerned that my son thinks 'Dads don't have to do anything' (yes he has said this to me). I am concerned that he may think that a woman needs no support so he can just love her and leave her. I am afraid that he will think a woman's duty is to bring home the bacon, fry it, and wash the dishes after not having a moment to eat it. I hope he does not put more passion into his looks, his social life, his hobbies, his music, or his own promiscuity than he does his family.

These are the lessons that are not taught in school or through verbal communication. These are the lessons that are taught through experience and example.

How will I teach my son these lessons? I hope that my monogamy will be his first example. I hope he'll recognize that not just anyone can come through our door. Next, he will support me in keeping our family so he knows a woman can not and should not maintain the household alone. And last, when he gets older and realizes that he is an only child for a reason or there is a considerable age difference between him and his sibling is because it takes time to choose who has earned a place with a woman.

Success: Not a four letter word

2010-01-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

Success. The dictionary defines success as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. Unfortunately many people are not reading the dictionary. People use the word success interchangeably with rich all of the time. Being successful has nothing to do with money unless money has a direct impact on your goal i.e. an investment banker. Still, be clear that being rich does not make you successful; and you may not be successful if your aim is to be rich.

Many successful people are not rich, many people are rich but far from successful. "They must be successful if they are rich" you say? Nope. These people have positions and opportunities that pay well...very well however their position has nothing to do with their aim or the life that they want. Most of us know at least one of these people. On the outside they are successful because they attain many material things. They are missing the one emotion that would complete them; success.

You must look at success as an emotion in order to really understand it. I suggest happy and success should be used interchangeably instead of rich. Some people have goals that are within arms reach, others have goals that are up next to the sun. The completion of these goals may or may not come with a large paycheck. Does it make the accomplishment of the goal any more or less of a success?

I didn't mean for this post to coincide with the last, but I have to refer back to living what you love, the successful people and the people aiming for success comprehend the LWYL attitude quickly.

Being successful has nothing to do with how many cars you have or how many homes you own. It has everything to to do with accomplishing your goals which may help you attain cars and homes.
In order to be successful you must constantly remind yourself of your goal, then take the steps to achieve it. This way you can say "Yes, I am successful!". Then make another goal and be a success over and over again.
Remember it is not important that you are successful to others, your success is evident to those who understand value.

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Book Review: Changing Your Course, The 5-Step Guide to Getting the Life You Want

2009-12-05T16:20:00.001-08:00

In anticipation of the arrival of 2010, I'm doing a book review. It is usually during this time of the year folks are thinking about changes for the new year and if you are serious about change, this book is for you. Yes Changing Your Course is a Self Help/Inspirational book BUT please read on! You think that books of this nature are written by the self righteous or the born rich. You may also assume that these books don't relate to my situation, or don't take your financial situation into consideration. If you have any of these feelings, I'm glad to introduce you to Bob and Melinda Blanchard. The Blanchards (as they are collectively known), are serial entrepreneurs; authors, resturantuers, chefs, and have a host of other titles under their belt. Their latest pen is another addition to their Live What You Love brand.

The Blanchards approach to living what you love is more realistic than any book I've read thus far. They are not cheerleaders, and they are not telling you that everything will be a cakewalk during the process. Just as when they experienced setbacks while setting up their resturant in Anguilla, they want you to be realistic about the importance of being ready to take a detour when necessary. They focus on the work you will need to do to achieve your goals and if you really want to change something, how the hard work will not be work but instead process. The authors are literally giving you their map to achieving success.

Changing Your Course is a wonderful book that is built on the acronym D.R.E.A.M. Yes, we hate acronyms, but so do Bob and Melinda, however their 5 steps fit perfectly for living your dream, so we excuse it for a moment.

The Blanchards steps are Decide, Research, Evaluate, Act, and Maintain. Although these ideas may seem obvious, I found the things they are telling you to D.R.E.A.M about, may not be. In chapter one they suggest you decide what will make you happier. It could be redecorating, a diet, a new career, or getting out of a relationship. One great thing about this book is that it's not about one particular type of change but changing anything you feel will make your life more passionate. In chapter three they give you advice on evaluating your options, the money topic (not as scary as you think), and fear; the number one reason people do not change things they are unhappy about. In the end they discuss how to maintain what change you accomplish. Maintaining your dream is like maintaining your weight; if you decide to go back to your old eating habits after reaching your goal, expect to pull out those old garments.

My advice is: When reading a book that will help you achieve a goal it is important to read with a positive frame of mind and an open heart . Besides, if you're working on self improvement, isn't that a positive thing? Something to be happy about? If you are going to voluntarily take advice on how to live what you love, you can not take the advice waiting to inject negativity into the process. If you are experiencing negative feelings you may want to rethink if this is the time to attempt such changes. But if you feel this is the time for ________, then I suggest picking up this publication and putting these 5 steps into action.

If it is for a New Year resolution or a New You resolution, I wish you all the best.

*I would like to thank all of you who have helped me change my course this year by supporting my blog. I hope 2010 brings you all the strength to make the changes you want and further bless the blessings you already attain. I hope you'll keep on reading and feel free to contact me at rezrek@yahoo.com to add names to the update list, delete your name, or anything regarding this blog. PLEASE leave comments if the mood strikes you.

Happy Birthday To You

2009-10-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure I'd have time to post this month. November is a very "event" filled time in my family. Not only is it when I prepare for the onset of the holidays, but it also seems to be every one I knows birthday; including my own. I don't say that to receive birthday wishes or gifts (although I won't turn any down!). To explain my bit of insanity at this time of the year; My brother, my best friend, my son, myself, a few associates, and a few family members were all born in November.

A companion of mine, someone I consider a kindred spirit, and I had a conversation on the topic of November. He does not believe in celebrating birthdays. His belief doesn't stem from any religious principle or a saturnine character; he believes it's narcissistic. Narcissism is a topic my friend and I usually agree on, accept in this conversation. His reason for the lack of birthday celebration is one I do understand and can agree with on some level. "Isn't it extremely narcissistic for a person to jump around and celebrate their own presence on earth, something they had nothing to do with, because they were one of billions born on this day?", he said, "I prefer to believe its like Mothers' Day, where I take time to reflect on my mother and what the day is for her. She did everything, I just arrived." I let that run through my head overnight before I decided to write this. My response to him is what I am sharing with you.

When considering his reasons for birthday non-celebrations I began to reflect on a few things. My thoughts were on my birthdays, my son's birthday, and the birthdays of those I prefer to recognize. I began to contemplate what made my birthday seem like a joyous occasion. I thought about what has made my son's birthday's so exciting, and what makes me regard someone else's birthday as note or gift worthy.

I agree that it is egoism to run around telling people it's your birthday and they should feel honored that you expect them to utilize their free time and hard earned cash to make you feel special. It is a bit self centered to want people to accept the date to be considered Your Day. And for what? What have you done that is so excellent the world as we know it should give up one of its only 365 days of the year to celebrate the nativity of you? These are questions I posed to myself when I realized the answer does not lie within me, but those around me.

It could be maturity or sensibility that has made me realize that birthdays are special because you are made to feel special, not for telling people you are special. Birthday celebrations are given to you, not given by you. Those who choose to recognize your birthday are letting you know you have a meaning in their lives. Think about those people whose birthday you choose to recognize. Notice I'm saying recognize. There is no rule that says you must get intoxicated, buy gifts, or buy a new outfit and hit the club to show someone they have meaning to you. A phone call (or a text these days) to say "Happy Birthday" should even be accepted and appreciated.
If you spend your "special day" alone, which I have occasionally done, use the time to do something exciting and reflect on the gift of your life, what you love about it, and what you want from it. You may be surprised to find more joy in inner peace and sanctity than in a hang over from a night of partying.

That doesn't mean putting together your own birthday party is a bad thing, but put it together and appreciate those who come to celebrate your life but also appreciate those who do not make it but contact you still to say "Happy Birthday". The value you have in some one's life should make you feel good enough that if only 1 or 2 people recognize your birthday, you know that you have a standing place in the world.

Empire State of Mind/I Love NY

2009-10-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Carrie Bradshaw had a love for the city that not many people could understand, but I have always felt that love is what attracted me to the show (Sex In the City). However Carrie's love is only island size, my love spans multiple boroughs.

I've lived in New York my whole life. I've always felt there was no where else to live. I mean live. A few years ago I attempted to relocate to a Florida city. In what I can only describe as maternal haste, I was seduced by the idea of year long good weather, beaches, outdoor play, clean streets, and affordable rent that included a pool. Needless to say it wasn't very long before I returned home. The first minute I stepped foot in a New York City street again, it was like a rebirth. I was one of those people smiling in the street. I couldn't stop being that person that New Yorker's think "Why is she smiling? Is she crazy?". Since that time, three years ago, I've felt a yearning to write about my feelings about my first love: New York. I kept questioning how would I express a feeling so deep, so wide, and so long? An emotion that never disappeared, but was further reestablished? How could such sentiment be expressed in a form that was shorter than the good book , strong enough to receive reader empathy, and rich enough to break the emotional bank?

Recently I heard something that made me say "YES! THERE IT IS! MY NEW YORK STATE OF MIND!". And that it was: an Empire State of Mind. A new joint by Jay Z featuring Alicia Keys, two of NYC's many successful offspring. Empire state of mind, or as I refer to it the new "New York,New York", is a version that Frankie can be proud of. Jay gives props to all the boroughs and Alicia's voice in the chorus really make you proud of the city.

Many times I've walked these streets and rode these subways knowing that no matter what happened it's here that I can get over any thing, begin a new, or find any opportunity that I wish for. How many times have I passed people and wondered if we'd ever crossed paths before or will we ever pass again?

*Although I don't think I'll be jumping on stage at the next Jay Z concert i.e. Lil Mama, I do understand her unrestrained emotion to hearing the song. I mean with references from Harlem to 8th Street to Bedstuy to out of state bus trips, I can find the good, the bad, and the ugly in it all. When you can find those three feelings and still feel the love and the reciprocation of that endearment; it can only be true love. As Alicia's words ring:

"New York/Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of/There's nothing you can't do/Now you're in New York/The streets will make you feel brand new/The lights will inspire you/Let's hear it for New York"

I pay homage through the eyes and voices of many, but still I pay homage. So many forget about there first love but mine will be mine.. til death do us part.

*Check out a clip from the 2009 VMA's for a clearer understanding.

BLACK LOVE

2009-09-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

I've always been somewhat of a concert whore. I love live shows, I'll go out of my way to see an artist that I especially adore. Today I attended Summerstage. It was wonderful. The weather was perfect, I had one of my closest friends by my side, the artists were amazing, and what can be bad about that all happening in Central Park located in one of the best city's in the world? Nothing.

We decided to sit in the designated "picnic" area for the last act so we could take a breather;Yosh brought her spontaneous picnic blanket, very handy like most cute little Japenese inventions. Yosh grabbed a couple of sodas and an order of fries from the refreshment stand. While she was there, I noticed the young woman sitting next to our blanket. 'Hmm, she looks familiar', I thought, 'Hm, not sure but I like her dress'. Yosh came over and I glanced over at the young sister once more trying to remember. I couldn't but then I really noticed her hair. It was BIG. It was BEAUTIFUL. A 'fro that was combed out and messy, it still had a light curl to it though. It had that loose wet look. Of course I looked at her again to confirm that I didn't know her from...anywhere. After that I began to comb over the crowd. Because the performers were some of R&B's sexiest crooners, the audience consisted mostly of females. Looking out I observed many styles of braids, twists, locks, 'fros, and styles galore. I then took note of the beautiful dresses and accessories in the crowd;none of which I'd seen in the trendy West Village or on the red carpet... Between these observations Yosh and I chatted about the show, shoes, and anecdotes about day to day life. We shared the fries and killed those ice cold beverages on this hot hot but wonderful day. I realized that it was 5 o'clock and I needed to head home.

As I made my way to the exit, which meant we had to go the entire circumference of the crowd, I saw so many beautiful creatures I had to smile. So many shades of cream, brown, and black;so many lengths of dreads, 'fros, knots, and twist; so many curves those of S's, 8's, 0's, B's,; so many prints and colors. Just pure beauty. And I stopped and thought about how years ago during the Neo-Soul movement how I loved attending shows, half-way just to be part of these beautiful creatures. Then I thought 'And they are all mine. BLACK FOLK. My kind of people.' I took one more quick glance over the crowd and reaffirmed what the media, fashion, and "education" have tried so hard to take away from me...THE LOVE OF MY PEOPLE. THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTY BEYOND COMPREHENSION.

I recently heard Maxwell say in interview, "Neo-Soul was a movement, now its a culture that we must upkeep". And so true it is!

If we aren't getting it from external sources, then WE must get it from ourselves, and remind each other regularly. I LOVE YOU.

TOOL TIME: DO YOU NEED A MAN?

2009-09-09T17:35:00.000-07:00

There was a time, not long ago, when you could count on a man to come by to install your AC, paint your kitchen, or fix your leaky faucet. That "man" could be 15 years old or 50 years old. Those days are slowly fading away.

Metrosexuals immediately came to mind when I originally came upon this peculiar species of males that can barely change a lightbulb, let alone rewire a lamp. You know these men; they are the ones that have every hair in place (or the right ones out of place), can style you better than you, and spend just as much time as you (if not more) getting ready for the day. These men have been seduced by GQ and Kanye West. Manicured fingernails and fresh Nikes are part of their uniform. The men I speak of are not of a time when men who took a moment in the mirror were instantly labled homosexual, they don't know that a man only dresses for church (weddings and funerals), a job interview, or for a date. These men are looking proper... for themselves.

Now ladies, there was a time when we were saying to our sons and husbands, "Are you really going to wear that?", or "Have you even looked in the mirror?". But times have changed! Something about men utilizing an iron made them forget how to utilize a hammer. Or is it something more? Can this lack of "ahem"...masculinity be attributed to the lack of fathers and masculine role models for men of the last and current generations? Think; 'How did those boys learn the difference between an adjustable wrench and a socket wrench? Who showed him how to execute and appreciate that nice even coated ceiling paint job? Who was going to hang your new 50 inch flat screen if your husband wasn't home?' The answer was 'Any man you know'. Nowadays, you may have to sit for a moment and think about who can do it.

I was the first child of my parents, and the first grandchild as well. I, like many black women, was raised to be independent.."depend on no man" was the mantra I heard many times from both my mothers and fathers. My father and grandfather meant this not only to mean financially, but also domestically. From a young age I was taught how to use tools, fix things, paint, plant foods (yes in NY), and a whole heap of other "manly" responsibilities. When I got my first apartment at 18 years old, I received a toolkit from my dad as a house warming gift. I was thrilled to receive it ( and I still have it). My mother and grandmother were also handy women. They were married, but still were able to do a lot of the "men's work" around the house. I always assumed these lessons were so that I would be an Independent Woman, but now I wonder if my parents were psychic in some way. Did they see that I would end up married to a man that wouldn't know how to install a window air conditioner properly, or live with one who admitted "supervising" was his best attribute to putting things together? Did they know that when I needed heavy boxes moved at the office, it would be me and my female assistant doing the job?

You see in 2009 I've found that with all the males you may know, you may only have 1 or 2 that can come by and hang your new light fixture or put your new Ikea furniture together. You may even know 0 and resort to paying contractors for trivial fixes.

My suggestion is this: "Ladies grab a philips head and do it yourself. Pull your daughter to your feet while you do it; because at the current rate, she'll have a cooking spoon in one hand and a putty knife in the other (after she gets home from work)".